guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
