I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
