If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i now understand why vodka
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His nipple licking is glorious
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