I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
