My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
