You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
