Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
