i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
