Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize