I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
