He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Damn victory sex feels great
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
