U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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