She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
