im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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