In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
