too bad you live with your parents still
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
