we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
