once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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