EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
