How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just had sex bonerless
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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