just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
