so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
