Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize