Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize