so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
