the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
