I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize