return my video game
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
