i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
