you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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