So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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