I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
After last night, I could never be a politician.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
