Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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