No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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