Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
