the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
