8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
