lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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