so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
