piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she looked like the before picture.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
