Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
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