I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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