The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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