I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
