if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize