I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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