Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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