I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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