don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
