if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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