I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
