i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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