I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
