Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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