in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
