Screwed.edu
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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