Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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