if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
