My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
