she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
