I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
