Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
