He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
