This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
