just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize