He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
