I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
