should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
